The Good and The Bad...

My M.E is a result of burn out from the work i have done, really bad flu (but that was 6 years ago!) and then from a new job that was so promising but turned into a nightmare.

My doctor was/is great though so I was really lucky.

I lost my job within a few months of being diagnosed and then we had a very dificult year trying to get benefits, mainly DLA, in place... So close to losing our home when landlord was getting fed up with being messed around with the council and our HB. My partner gave up work to care for me last March as I was struggling to do anything and finally gave up driving.

Financially a bit easier now all benefits in place.

But me?

Well there is no improvement from Jan 2005 and I was diagnosed with diabetes in February of this year. My doctor then thought my M.E was really just me having un diagnosed Diabetes for two years and double/triple checked all my M.E blood tests etc.

But no, I have both to deal with.

My biggest fear is being forced back to work either by moving home and finding myself with an unsympathetic doctor and/or the benefits agency. I have thought about work but know I would probably get the sack within a week and I couldnt face going through all the grief to get benefits in place again.

I have the odd down moment...going to bed exhausted and in pain, waking in the night to the same and waking in the morning to the same day in day out cant be good for the soul!

Forgetting words or objects in the middle of a sentance I actually now find funny...'its round, you eat off of it...' or 'whats that know...that thing...its square...oh yes the compost bin...'

I have to say the joint/muscle pain is the worse and I always know its ba when even the soles of my feet hurt...its those moments i could cry.

Also its really frustrating that it has affected my writing/spelling so badly... I now wish I had not spell checked this and not corrected my getting my words back to front crazy... in fcat I wont change the rest of this just to show you what i mean... i hope it will strike a chord with others... i hate to think its just me!

Things that keep me going...

to counter brain atrophy i have started an open university cousre... hopefully i will manage and carry it thorough to a history degree. so far so good i ahve just had my first essay back, an unmarked taster and i did really well.

i also started a blog which i try to do every day, through which i have met some great people who i email regularly. last week i also started a blog for my M.E and diabetes int he hope others will find and read it and i get to meet others

my partner and our dog...i dont know where i would be without either!

actually there are not too many mistakes there at all...i think i must have been concentarting well! camping! we have converted an old french electricity board citroen into a camper van and spend as much time as possible away


Name: solsticedreamer

Email: solsticedreamer~AT~hotmail~DOT~co~DOT~uk

Added: 18th October 2007