People think I've always got something wrong with me...

I developed cfs by way of post viral.

I work in a school and at that time (about 6 years ago) we were under the threat of redundancy. We all had to give a presentation on why we should be kept. Which meant colleagues had to go. I was one of the fortunate ones, I got to keep my job. Though this created disharmony among others who felt that I should have gone and different people kept. The criteria was qualification and experience. I had more of each - something I had worked hard for.

The whole event created a division among the staff with one dissatisfied group becoming petty and bullying the other group. As you can probably guess, I was in the group being bullied and harrassed. Because I love my job and the child I work with. I followed my fathers advice and kept my head down and just did the best I could.

That christmas the school was six members of staff short and I had to do the job of four. I developed viral pneumonia but felt I could not take time off because of the atmosphere at work.

Well the upshot of this is the cfs I now have. I constantly feel exhausted, my body aches from morning to night. I have to dress in layers because my body temperature will suddenly drop and I feel frozen to the bone. I still work 26 and a half hours a week. I want to work more because we need the money but I know my body would give up completely.

I've grown used to the pain and headaches, and only notice them if I get a brief respite from them - then they come back with a vengence! Not that it happens often - mostly the pain and aches are constant.

I ware a thick layer of make-up on my face else people constantly ask me if I'm ill. I wont give in to this condition, I wont let it rule me. I rule it. At least I like to believe that.

But sometimes, sometimes I just wish I could play with my granchild without suffering later.
I wish I could have a day of normality. A day when I'm not more exhausted waking up than going to bed.
I wish I could work full time.
I wish I had the energy to enjoy the weekends with my husband, instead of just flaking out on the sofa.

Mostly I just wish I didn't have cfs.


Name: Julie Steele

Added: 25th march 2008